Friday, February 07, 2003
Anyway, cause of a lack of people interested in seeing the movies my theater this week: Shanghi Knights, Narc, and Deliver us from Eva. I don’t have a movie to review for today.
Well have to write about something. Ummm, all right I was not going to go here, but I might as well say it.
That guy that runs the "Girls Gone Wild" video franchise has got to be stopped. It’s breaking the international laws of sleaziness. Its not even porn. Say what you will about porn, but most of the people in it, know they are in it. They get paid to show up and do things to other people, midgets, and inanimate objects. That’s not my cup of tea, but if someone likes to watch women or men they can never have sex with people they can never be in places and situations that can never happen, that’s their deal.
But Girls Gone Wild is a darker sort of animal. The sort of thing that makes you rethink everything you thought was pure and holy in this world. I think the female form is quite beautiful. Even without the sexual attraction aspect. I prefer to think of female form in a non-piece of meat kind of way. But this guy preys on people that are not exactly in the best frame of mind. One look at the glassy eyes and slurred speech “girls” you realize this guy is going after the drunk ones. Take a closer look at the eyes of most of the women in the countless leagues of Girls Gone Wild commercials. They have been partaking of the party atmosphere and are trying to get Encyclopedia buying drunk. For those not in the know, Encyclopedia buying drunk is the third highest to the top end of drinking. It’s this system I have come up with.
First stage- you’re a little buzzed, nothing serious
Second – you a little louder, but you are still within social norms
Third – Party animal version of you
Fourth- the clothes are coming off, time to really party/do something stupid that’s going to be caught on tape and embarrass you and your family forever or you can sue and get a million trillion dollars if you get the right judge. That or sleep with someone you would not throw up on sober.
Fiveth- You bet on things you would not bet on and buy things you would not buy like the drunk guy I saw dragging a box of Encyclopedia’s behind him, drunk out of his mind
Sixth- You now are so drunk you will join anything. Any cult is now after you, they can smell the drunken confusion in your mind and want you to know that the Starbucks Company has an important plan for your life. You might wake up married and or castrated.
Seven7th You have drunk so much your liver is on the side of the road thumbing a ride to Mexico to sell himself to some other ass.
These young women are between the fourth and fifth stages, for the most part. Some don’t want to take their clothes off. They refuse. Then mister sleazy offers them trinkets to bargain with. Ever since the pilgrims came over and gave the Indians glass beads and sylphis there has been this power in small objects over people.
Pilgrim (infected with syphilis, to Native American) How Red Man, me friend.
Native American (a little frustrated) Steve. Hello? Steve? My name is Carl dude. I speak English, stop being insulting to me just cause my culture lives in harmony with nature and yours is going to kill the earth in a couple hundred years.
Pilgrim- HA HA HA, you funny non-Christian. I want to buy your land.
Native American- I have told you Steve, it’s not my land. It’s not any body’s land. I can’t sell you the land of my people cause it belongs to un-born future generations.
Pilgrim- That’s no good, I want to oppress people and put witches on trial. How about for some nice shiny BEADS?
Native American- Look man I am serious…..Wait a minute that one’s really nice. Ok, get me drunk first and I will take of my top. Then, we will talk about the land ok?
Pilgrim- I should totally sell a tape of this.
Native American (now infected with syphilis) - What are you talking about? We don’t even know what tapes are. Stupid idiot.
See? Mister Sleazy’s ancestors were thinking about this for a long time. And there is something I have to address, there is good naked and bad naked. When its bad naked and you feel dirty watching it, you don’t care if the woman is the hottest goddess in the world. It’s just wrong. Catching people flashing, or talking drunk and or high on goof balls in to getting naked, is just gross.
I have been flashed. It was a weird experience. The girl thought that it would be fun for me I guess. I should be flattered or something. But I was just embarrassed and I stared at the ground until she put them away. Flashing is not sexual; it’s just shocking as all hell to see breasts in the wild. It’s like AHHHH! They aren’t supposed to be here, WHATS HAPPENING? Then they go away and you think, did I just see breasts? The typical heterosexual brain takes five to ten minutes to process this and to review the tape. Yes, I did see breasts, huh.
Flashing loses something when its not a “what the hell” kinda thing.
Only some of the women flash. Others are talked into it. And by wearing these girls down, this guy gets them naked.
Congrats jerk, you just talked a drunken co-ed into striping even though they were blushing and saying no repeatedly.
He has made an Empire of the Breasts of women that would never give him the time of day, and probably don’t remember it.
Can you imagine sitting around the TV with your parents and your drunken mug comes up showing everything you got for beads?
It’s not just all the ads and the tapes and the DVD’s.
Its not that they now have a legal department that has these girls sign away their rights not to be pieces of meat for the nation view audience.
Its not that these women now get tee shirts with girls gone wild printed on them.
THERE IS GOING TO BE A GIRLS GONE WILD…..THE MOVIE!
Its been bought buy some company hard up for a hit.
I hope this dies in development hell.
Or the anti-Christ known as the Girls Gone Wild Empire will cease to be.
Thursday, February 06, 2003
Soundwave jeph, the tape recorder Decepticon's name was Soundwave.
i am writing something for tommorrow, i am tired and its not done yet.
I had a really bad day the other day. Some of you know about it. Some of you don't. Badness happened yesterday that i can't seem to get over just yet, nor should i ever. Just trying to deal.
I will get back to being funny tomorrow cats, Later
Wednesday, February 05, 2003
::transformer noise transformer noise::
I loved Transformers coming up. The concept of big ass robots tearing crap up is just to cool for words. And they turned into stuff, that made it a million times cooler.
The toys might have been crap, they didn't really look like the robots they were supposed to be. And in fact they were not supposed to. The Transformers toys were actually a bunch of different toy lines from Japan merged into one for the sake of the cartoon. But still, they were major cool.
If you were a giant robot, and wanted to get around without drawing attention to yourself, turning into an automobile would be the best disguise! Think of it cars without drivers are given unrestricted access to every part of the world.
But then comes the Dino-bots. The "special" transformers.
They turn in to dinosaurs.
In the modern day world they turn in to animals that have not been alive of millions of years.
Thats one strike against them.
Plus they aren't really good robots disguised as dinosaurs. They are slow robots disguised as crappy looking robot dinosaurs.
Their leader, Grimlock turns into a T-Rex. He had a Hulk complex to, which was annoying.
GRIMLOCK DO THIS, GRIMLOCKS PEE PEE BURNS WHEN GRIMLOCK MAKES NUMBER 1, WHY BLUESTREAK HUG GRIMLOCK "SPECIAL" WAY?
And you just know he beat the crap out of people cause they could tell he was a robot. The rhythmic pounding of his cold metallic fists in the warm,inviteing flesh of a kid that thought real dinosaurs did not have metal bolts.
GRIMLOCK LOOK REAL, SAY IT!
Why make giant stupid killing machines anyway? If your bad guys, sure knock yourselves out, but arent the Autobots good guys?
And are planes just evil inherently? I mean AUTO-Bots, must mean they were not planing on inviting planes into the mix.
And if they are an alien race, why would they name themselves after earth cars?
Their whole logic is flawed.
Why are you reading this? COMMENT!
Tuesday, February 04, 2003
Why I hate MTV, by Matthew Lu age 22 and a half
MTV sucks and sucks with all the fiercely of a black hole hard up for rent money behind a Walmart.
Why do I say this, you might ask? (go ahead ask away)
Its formulaic, and causes crap music to become popular and influences radio stations that I am forced to listen to (damn you 8 track). If it was not for TRL and its stupid playing the catchy bits of crap songs, our nation would be a better place.
And TRL? Not since KFC has there been a dumber name for something. Do they think their listeners are to stupid to learn the proper name for the thing? The real name is Total Request Live. Total Request Live? What the hell kinda name is that? Well, the show is live, unless when its taped. And they do play parts of the requests of the public. But TOTAL? like the cereal? Like totally awesome? Didn't totally go out of favor about the same time as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? (turtle power!) And if i hear one more person talk about their album dropping.
What does that mean? The album is coming out.
WHY CAN'T THESE GUYS SAY THAT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD?
They are making up new words! We have enough already. I refuse to accept this into my vocabulary.
You shouldn't either, it will make you dumber and MTV then owns a piece of your brain. Honestly.
Also, the tend to play the same bands to death and give little air to undiscovered small bands.
I know this is all about paying the bills, but little bands become big bands. They just need help and a nice shaded place to grow.
This is when MTV is actually playing music.
I know everyone says this, but MTV is MUSIC TELEVISION! 90% of what they have on the air should be MUSIC! If not, they should change the name. To "People making asses of themselves being big slut puppies on air" or weird cartoon shows that stick around until they get poplar and there by cost to much money.
And dont get me started on the Osbornes.
Jack is cool in a weird I can almost see him in my normal life kinda way.
Ozzy is Ozzy. It was good for a season, but now I am just not caring.
The Real World is just a giant orgy that is covered in blurries. That means its a boring orgy.
The MTV news things are a joke. They are reporting rumors as truth. The recent report on the Batman movie was laughable. No one knows how the new Batman flick is going to happen, if it happens. They acted like its a big story that they are working on a Batman flick. GUESS WHAT? With the success of Spider-Man, they would be stupid not to.
I bet there are films in the works for every comic character imaginable. Hollywood beats us to death with movies ripping each other off. If X2 does great? Fantastic 4 is going to be put on the fast track. Both team movies.
There, MTV owes me money.
Well, well well. I did not get around to updating yesterday, the pains of having a night class. I tend to write mostly at night and well I was learning about famous dead white guys.
College is a huge waste of money. I just cant get over this. I am learning about the same poems that I went over in freshman classes just learning bigger more obscure words for things I knew as something else.
I should have my degree by now and would have if not for these hoops they make you go thuru.
After the first dozen times "To his Coy Mistress" gets old.
And now I realize thanks to that last rant/statement I cant tell anyone from school about this cause it would get back to the teaching staff. Not that the review of breasts would make them think highly of me, but still.
I watched Buffy tonight. If you haven't seen all the previous episodes of the show, you would be getting really lost now. The show's continuity, which attracted me to the show in the first place, is getting more and more bogged down. This current season is excellent, but I can see why is about time for the show to end if not change into something else. I am surprised by liking Andrew as much as I do now. The "Is Giles the first" was handled quite nicely. The government guys just leaving the demons to die in their cages was classic. This is a good show, but if you haven't been watching, the DVDs are out and FX shows the reruns. Buffy is one of the few non real life news shows I watch. And its a good one.
I dont know what to talk about now.
Sunday, February 02, 2003
Fun with the English language, the right word and the almost right word, AIM conversation me and
Lu: i got some xmen two stuff
Lu: its sweet
heather s: yeah?
Lu: pens and mobiles and mini posters
Lu: i am not the mack daddy of xmen
Lu: all geeks look upon me and tremble
heather s: who is?
Lu: well er i am
heather s: *tremble*
heather s: i was confused, because you said you weren't the mack daddy
heather s: oh wait!
heather s: maybe you meant "i am now the mack daddy"
heather s: *TREMBLE*
Lu: damn strait
I read a positive review of the upcoming movie Daredevil, so I am looking forward to writing a review of it come Feb 14. It sounds like a nice dark superhero movie. And as a big time Daredevil fan, I can't wait to watch it.
But then again, if I like the film, it will not be funny.
Well, nothing here has been funny yet so at least I am constant.
Many thanks to the brilliant and talented Leo of
for the newly added comment capabilities of the site. So if you like what you read, comment on it, my ego NEEDS your attention.
I got a belt and a cloak today.
Seriously, soon me and a certain young Maiden shall go Medieval in the sense of a feast. This Friday as a matter of fact. Pictures to follow, hopefully.
I over heard this lady and her child (that was no more that 2, same age as Cindy-Loo Who) at lunch. I think kids are very interesting creatures and their shape of the world is not as firm as ours. The child asked his mother "That says say no to drugs, what is drugs?"
A perfectly logical question.
If children are to stay out of the influence of harmful drugs, proper definitions are needed.
This was something important for the child's development.
The mom said, " Drugs are bad, they are things people take that make them act all weird and hurt people"
The kid was satisfied with this and preceded to stick a salt shaker up his nose. Ah, the adorable scamp.
But, to me, this was a bad answer. Dangerous, even.
Q> What are drugs?
some drugs are harmful, yet some help you.
Huh? Wait I thought drugs were bad, but I have to take drugs to get me better when I am sick?
Yeah, but they are good drugs, other drugs are bad and alter your personality.
Q>What about drugs that they give to help kids with emotional problems? They make the kids act different.
They are good cause drug companies make them and Doctors give them out. They have been tested and unless they are being over prescripted or misused or not tested properly they are good. (BIG ifs BTW)
Q>What about caffeine and alcohol and tobaccos
caffeine, sure you get mildly addicted and cant function without it, but hey its not that bad right?
Alcohol- its only your liver and it has a big company backing it up, MOVE ALONG NOTHING TO SEE HERE!
Tobacco is wacko if your a teen, if not? Puff away old sport.
There is no cut and dry answer.
This is why I would wait as a parent, I would try to explain that some drugs are good, some drugs are illegal, some drugs are good and illegal, some drugs are bad, some drugs are bad and illegal and some drugs are legal and bad.
Bottom line: If anything you take in your body that is not foodstuffs, and it has the potential to destroy your life or it get to the point that you live for it: Its bad and harmful to you.
If it is your life, then its keeping you from life.
Not a simple answer.
Now keep your kids away from salt shakers.