Saturday, March 08, 2003

2:38 PM

Well, it’s been awhile, hasn't it?
Thanks to midterms, a sickness, and a trip to see the very interesting Maiden de Madcap, I have been neglecting my reading audience. That and I have not watched any bad movies of TV lately so I don’t have anything to review that would be entertaining. So I must do a review of a thing.
And now without further ado,

Love, as I find it presently by Lu

Love as a concept is great, find someone of the opposite or same sex that you are attracted to, talk to them, dig them, be in this amorphous thing called love and is beautiful and happy and filled with scented candles. Sounds like a great thing, especially when compared to being alone. I suck at being alone, I end up wasting a lot of time and writing drivel that is neither funny nor informative. Loneliness can be horrible at first, but once the comfortless despair kicks in, with a side dose of apathy, your all right.
This is one of love's unique characteristics, its great for the person or persons currently in love, but once you are kicked out of that bubble, your view on love is subject to change. Most of the time, when someone has something its allure diminishes and only those without desire it. But, people that are in good relationships find love the best thing since Celine Dion went into retirement, and those with out think it’s the worst thing since Celine Dion came back out of retirement.
I have seen men come out of relationships bad mouthing women, and versa vicesa. This I find interesting, does the relationship itself alter one’s views on gender? Being in a relationship must revel some unknown variable to the opposite sex, or at the very least, one member of the opposite sex that can cause the secrets to be reveled?
Nope, that’s not it. Cause a couple of the people I know personally that have been in bad relationships have not changed how they pursue a relationship. I guess, that the information received can be used or ignored. Perhaps each relationship merely expands one’s knowledge of self, if you accept the things that are learned about you, and try to alter your behavior for the better, maybe your relationships can be better as well. That’s what I think life ultimately is, one big journey to know the person that lives between your ears. You can do this internally or you can be aided by human interactions. Maybe love is a means to network the minds of two people to help each other figure life out. When love fails, is it a failure to properly interact and accept the things that the other person brings to the relationship? Perhaps this failure is justified, or perhaps the person with the problem has something wrong internally that prevents a true love from occurring. I can’t really state that one way or another; this is all speculation at this point.
Never being in a relationship or anything.
Now, I have been in love. Unrequited, puppy dogish that it was, it was a form of love. But you can’t judge a thing properly until you have a complete grasp of the width and breth of it. Its impossible to hate all men named Bob just because a man named Bob kicked you in the teeth once. Well, it is possible. You could hate everyone named Bob in the world, Decide that if one Bob caused you pain, the rest are looking for ways to do so as well. But then you would not let the simple joy that is Bob Saget into your life, and then where would you be? Sure you might not have the stupid voices making fun of people getting hurt in home movies, and you might miss the saga of the Olsen Twins and their domination of all mankind that was started by Full House.
That’s a bad example; everyone named Bob is a dick. Feel free to hate them and their stupid names that are the same spelled backwards as forwards. Its just them showing off. Let them all pay for the pain that is Bob Saget.

Sorry, I kinda jumped the love train didn’t I?
Anyway, back to it. I don’t understand the nature of love, and I don’t think anyone can. Its just part of how life works, love is a mystery. Expect a new review of love when I finely stop with the stupid little crushes and find someone.
But, for now. I give the concept of love 7 out of 10 stars.

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

1:15 PM

I feel all wonky. Some of it is the sickness that is spreading in my body like wildfire in an oily rag factory; some of it is the midterms.
This combines to form something that is just plain wonky.

Wonky- n- 1. a feeling of weirdness caused by an unknown force. A general feeling of wonk. Which is to say, something is wrong and you don’t know what it is.

When exactly did people stop caring when I get sick? At one time, I would get taken to the doctor even for the most minor thing. My parents were convinced there was something wrong with me and wanted to “fix” me with modern medicine. This was not me wanting to go mind you, but my parents finding something wrong and freaking out

Here’s a list:

- I went to a Doctor that gave me some sort of hand cream that burned cause my hands were “two sweaty” I think it was just super glue mixed with water.
- They considered breaking and resetting my legs because I “walk funny.” I had to convince them this would be a bad idea, no one notices that I walk a little different unless I show them that I can do weird things with my legs cause they have grown the wrong way.
- They made me sleep in shoes that had metal brace connecting them to correct the leg problem naturally. So my parents fastened me into that death trap every night and hoped for a “normal” son. When I wake up in the middle of the night and have a foggy concept of how the world works so naturally I don’t remember where the bathroom is much less that I have a monster on my feet. I tripped and nearly broke my neck five times. If there were a fire, I would have to politely ask that it refrain from burning me to death for 15 to 20 minutes till I could unfasten my manacles.
- I have pointy ears. Not Mr. Spock or elf level pointy, more along the lines of a hobbit, bumps and a slight point rather than your normal smoothness. I was only really bothered about them when people pointed or laughed, and they only threw rocks ONCE! The parents wanted that fixed, but the doctor explained that he could fix it but it would leave long scars along my ears. No thanks; I like just to be a natural freak, don’t need you to change me into a Frankenstein monster. Besides, my ears are hyper sensitive. You want to make me your willing slave? Play with my ears. I will be your best friend in seconds.
- I had to get tested for allergies when I was a kid. Not a simple test but the half naked while they stick you with roughly a million needles to see he you really are allergic to molds and fungus like most people. I had to get shots until the parents got tired of paying for them. So not only did I take shots for no reason, but if they were doing some good I don’t have it now.
- Multiple “preventative “ tests that involved getting poked and probed by strange men that made me promise not to tell.

Now, I could be bleeding to death and they could not care less, as long as I ain’t bleeding on the carpet. I really don’t understand how my health could be of such great concern to make me into a virtual hypochondriac for the first part of my life and now they take the Jim Henson approach to health care, ignore it and maybe it will go away.

So in other words, I could be dying or I could get better.
Watch this space.

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

9:05 PM

well crap, i dont have a proper update because of midterms this week. So i will share part of a poem that i gave to Maddy that i wrote.
clears throat....

Come and see behind the Emerald glasses
See the truth that fools the masses
see the fraud behind the throne.
See the Wizard all alone.

I feel kinda werid and alone like right now, and i am feeling the Wizard of OZ's pain.
tell me, honest what you think

my thoughts and rants