Friday, April 04, 2003

10:34 PM

Sorry, I wanted to finish a review for tonight and I cant cause I had a really freaking bad night at work.
And I guess you can assume by the review of death, I have not been having that good of a time this week anyway.
Arg, stupid people and their not just leaving me alone and letting me be me.
I cant mask my emotions well, sue me. I broadcast my emotions on wide screen and in DTS.
I cant handle all this stupid pressure and drama that does not have to be.
Let me go on the record and state:

Yes, my sister, even though I am a virgin and dont have first hand experience. When you have unprotected sex with your redneck ex-husband while not on the pill. you have a pretty good chance of getting preggers AGAIN by this idiot. I dont care what you think you know, thats what sex is for. Sex - stuff that prevents the nature from happening+ stupid fucking redneck= him knocking you up, and running home to mommy and daddy again. He left you once. Its going to happen again, WHY CANT YOU SEE THAT

Mom Dad, its not my fault that the student loan system does not allow me to get free money for school. Its not cause I am doing it wrong. And no, I will not lie on an application to get free cash. I am not 25 and I dont have a wife, so I need your tax returns to get my loan that I will be paying back forever. Dont yell at me and say its my fault, just give me the returns, please. Just cause I cant do what one of you friends from work kids did, does not mean that I am an idiot. It means we have different circumstances.

Work-I have the right to feel like I feel about whatever the hell I think you did me wrong. I want to say more but I am not allowed to.

Add to this the whole do I really write well enough for this to be my profession? Is this a talent really? Hobby merely?
Is my fiction any good?

Bugger all.






Thursday, April 03, 2003

1:27 PM

Death, does it get a bad rap?

I know what your thinking, yes the April Fools Day thing was a bit gimmicky. It’s a free website, so far, and that means I can do anything I damn well please.
Like now I am reviewing the concept of death, and attempting to be un biased, on account of me not wanting to die.
But who wants to die? It the goal of every living thing to continue their current existence on this plane of being, self-preservation is one of the more primal urges in the human mind. That and the desire to procreate, but that is about bringing life into the world, not death. Life is something that seems good on the outside but can just cause a lot of problems that it doesn’t know how to solve all that well. So lets do this pro and con shall we?

Pros of Life:

- As long as you’re alive, you’re not rotting. Rotting reduces the likeyhood of making friends and keeping a full time job. The smell alone is a huge turn off, and the loss of random body parts at random time is just plain incontinent. Part time jobs are plentiful however, why the wait staff at Waffle House is full of zombies that smell like the grave. And the Grand Waffle Breakfast satisfies the craving for human flesh, but it still does not handle the Brain requirement for a growing zombie But who wants to work at Awful House anyway? (My apologies to the fine people of Waffle House, I heartily agree with your efforts to solve human over population with heart disease induced by greasy food)

- When your alive you can engage in something called “sex’. This “sex” is supposed to be good and interesting. From what I have been able to determine, sex is when the pizza deliveryman comes to the door with a pizza and the lady is in some fancy underwear and does not have money. So then she says “ I am sure there is some way ::seductive look:: I can pay you ::seductive pose::” Then the pizza guy says something like “If you wanted pizza and had no money, why didn’t you just charge the pizza or something. You know you can put pizzas on Layaway now. ::de-pants:: Then the start making a wet smacking noise and the crappy music starts playing. 9 months later the stork show up with a baby and the husband assumes its his even though he had the snip snip operation. That’s how sex works every time. Its something you use to pay for pizza when you have no money. If you out run the stork, you can have free pizza and not have a baby.

- Kitty Cats, they are awesome. They are all cuddly and know when you feel bad. They even make purring noises. As far as I know, the joy of Kitty Cats, is just a living thing.

- Pie. There is no pie in heaven. I know this because of the recently unearthed journal “Why I am glad I came back” by Lazarus. In this stunning exposé he blows the lid of the Pie less Heaven Conspiracy. Oh and since Jesus brought him back from the dead, now he can’t die, and nothing can kill him. So that sucks. I mean, after the first couple hundred years, you run out of stuff to do. He spent the 70s going to McDonalds a lot, just so he could see them change the sign.

And now the Negatives of being alive:

- It hurts. Pain is something that non-living things like rocks or Burt Lancaster know nothing of. The pain of getting your heart broken or the pain of getting your hand ripped off by a wheat thresher is something that makes living less than enjoyable. Pain from physical sources can be sedated with pain killers but emotional pain burns deeper and only gets worst the more you try to mask it.
- People. Dealing with them, not punching them in the throat when they piss you off, they complain about you when you’re rude to them. Fuck them all. I could do without people, well, just the sucky ones. Some are good, and some are assholes. Therein lies the problem, how do you tell the good ones from the assholes? Answer? You cant. At least not at first, people are sneaky little bitches and pretend to be one way to get what they want out of you, the BAM! You sitting in a bathtub full of ice with half your organs stolen. In my estimation, I know about 10 decent people around here. That’s a combined total. The rest of the decent people I know live elsewhere. So I think they are among the ten decent people that live where they are from. Lets work that out. Any given place, there are 10 decent people. That means that most of the world is made up of assholes.
- There is war, and murder and hate and fear and stupidity and arrogance and malice and racism and sexism and ageism, and Adam Sandler movies and crappy Robert DeNiro movies that he thinks he is a comedian and disease and second hand smoke and chicken and dressing and grape flavored anything that is not jelly, and holes in the ozone layer, and Pat Robertson and religion being used to further hate crimes, and dolphins being used in war, and really cute funny smart girls with asshole guys and really good guys with horrible soul eating women, and getting pooped on by a bird even though you try not to hit them when they fly at your car when your going 65 miles an hour, and hurting someone’s feelings when you really don’t mean to, and little kids crying in a store and you want to do something to help them, but you can’t, and ruined chances and failed dreams.
- School and its stubborn refusal to let me get out of it.

Sometimes life is good, sometimes life is bad. Sometimes you wake up in the morning and think “Damn it” still here. Sometimes you have this happy feeling like everything is going right in the world and your life rocks in space.
But death is an ending, life is the only multiple choice you have. With life you can try, attempt, give it a shot.
With death, its pencils down, turn in your paper. Personally, I think I could use some extra time on this, maybe even some extra credit.
Can I get an extension?


Tuesday, April 01, 2003

5:11 PM

I have decided to make this website more about literary things and not just my stupid ramblings. From here on out, expect a whole new Lou Sucks.

Jack London’s “To Build a Fire” is about more than the process needed in making a useable fire. London’s main literary theme was the struggle of man to survive by their primitive emotions( Fogel, 448). In this short story the man did not live, but it was not nature alone that caused his death. London also believed in environmental determinism, which stated that the world shapes us in ways we are unable to resist. The narrator is unable to prevent fate that he has chosen the minute he ignores the warnings of others. “To Build a Fire” focuses on three main points, man versus nature, the intelligence of instinct, and man’s arrogance.
The narrator does not know that nature is wild. While nature does not have free will and cannot intentionally harm anything, it still can kill .The narrator believes he can overcome anything nature can do to him. London says that the largest fault the narrator has is that he is “ without imagination” (813). The narrator knows the weather is bad, and is unable to imagine the extent of the cold. Despite the man’s knowledge of maps and fire, he cannot prevent the ice from cracking under him and getting his shins wet. When the man makes fire, he forgets that the heat from a fire would melt the snow in the branches above him. London refers to the bad luck the man has as “it”. This is not a cruel nature, lording over the poor man. Nature is indifferent to the suffering of the man, but not out to get him.

The dog in this story really does not want to be there. It knows the cold is too great for them to travel. This instinct causes it to burrow in the snow and bite at the ice between its toes when they are wet. The dog does not know why it has these instincts, but follows them to survive. The dog does not understand why the man is out when it is this cold and wants to stay inside with the fire. The narrator believes he can kill the dog for its warmth, but the dog feels there is something different about the man, and does not trust him. The dog can protect itself even from something it has been told to trust, when it senses something is wrong. The dog does not have the ability to make fire, but it has the knowledge to find those that can. Instincts keep it alive, while the man’s faith in knowledge leads to his death.
The narrator thinks he knows everything. This is evident by him dismissing the advice of an old timer against traveling alone in the cold. Even when he is suffering frostbite, he ignores it as nothing really important. He thinks that any man that keeps his head can save himself. He refuses to believe he is dying even when his hands barely function. He keeps making his situation sound a little better than it actually is. He is unable to accept that he can die this easily. He risks everything trying to light all his matches at once, thinking this increases his odds. But all his chances sputter and die, and he is left without hope. The narrator tries everything he can think of to save himself, including turning on the dog. Despite the man’s tools and knowledge he is not as strong as the power of instinct.
Jack London’s real education came from nature and roaming America (Treasury of American Literature, 400). London understood the principal of survival of the fittest and this work shows it to the fullest extend. The man was where he did not belong. He lacked the respect for the environment needed to survive. The dog did not have the cognitive abilities the man possessed, but it knew when to trust the man and when to fear him. Learned knowledge and instinctual knowledge are not the same, but one is not better than the other.


Monday, March 31, 2003

2:11 PM

I saw a depressing movie the other night. I didn’t think it was going to be, I didn’t expect in the least that this film would get me.
But Willard is the saddest movie about a man controlling rats, ever. Sure there is the horror aspect, and the revenge theme; but this movie just sucked all the happiness out of my soul. Willard is basically me, sans the talking to rats part.
Willard tells the story of a man that can’t get out of his parents shadow. His dad was successful and wealthy until right before his death and his company was bought out by Willard’s current boss. He lives in this huge decaying mansion that used to be in the good side of town, now it’s a dump and rats are everywhere. Oh and his sick mother is still alive, and looks like she has not bathed in the last 40 years. While going into this long speech about how Willard is a little weakling you get to see her stained mattress. There is something about stained bedding that makes me quite scared. Terrified even. What caused this stain? Why has it not been cleaned? Is it a special stain that has memories and that’s why they haven’t cleaned it? Its never bright and shiny color, like an orange or blue, something that could be food. No, it’s always a dark dirty brown, or a dark red. Something that could be dirt, or poop, or poopy blood. And poopy blood is the most disgusting thing in the world.
This is the only person in Willard’s life so its no wonder he starts talking to rats. The first rat, Socrates, is really nice. It is smart and clean and they have a little bonding experience when Willard saves Socrates from a glue trap. Later in the movie, Socrates stops Willard from cutting his wrists. So if Socrates were any animal but a rat, this movie would be a cheerful feel good movie.
A boy, his pet rat, and the friendship they share. If it had stopped there I would love this movie. He starts talking to the girl named Katherine; so she is a Cat, get it? A cat to his rat, they are so very clever. If he had only befriended Socrates and no other rats, the movie could end happy.
But then there is the evil boss.
In these movies, there is always the evil boss. One loner guy, a little creepy, but lovable, his love interest, and the evil boss. So Willard befriends more and more rats. They obey him and Socrates. Willard might be made a fool of at work, but he has his army of rats in his basement. This is where the movie starts to go into more of a revenge theme. He uses the rats to tear up the tires of his boss’s car. That’s cool, boss was a jerk, so he tears up his tires.
But one of the rats wants to be the leader. One that is roughly the size of a small dog. This huge rat is named “Big Ben” by Willard before he realizes that big rats are used to being the bosses and don’t care for taking orders. Socrates just wants one big happy family, so he wants Willard to accept Ben and just let it go. Willard does not like Ben and Ben just sees Willard as a free food bag.
Then Ben kills Willard’s Mom.
Willard assumes she just saw all the rats living in the basement and had a heart attack or something, but I think Ben killed her. He is, after all, a rat bastard. It’s a pretty smart plan really, no more Mom, means one less link to the outside world and this makes the rats more important in Willard’s life.
Kat is the only person that shows up for Willard’s Mom’s funeral. She might not be romantically interested in him, but I think at the very least she cares for him in a friend way. Hell, she even gave him her cat. Which Ben and the other rats kill, but it’s the thought that counts. And that scene pissed me off, I love cats and they let the cat to all this smart stuff to escape and then have Ben bite it on the paws and make it fall into a pit of rats was a bit much. Ben is a horrible rat, a rat that is making the other rats evil. We get this; we don’t need the kitty death.
It was such a pretty cat to, an orange short hair.
::sigh::
Willard is told that since his mom is dead they are going to fire him, and then his boss makes an offer on his house. It turns out that the boss is such a big jerk he wants to take Willard’s house away from him to. Willard freaks out, in a very realistic way, he screams and almost cries because he knows that he can’t afford to fight this guy legally. He lives in a rat hole of a building, literally, and his parents were living off his trust fund. Then, you hear what you have waiting for since he started carrying Socrates to work with him.
“RAT! THERES A HUGE WHITE RAT!”
Guess who kills Socrates?
Yep, the jerk boss.
Willard cant even say “Dude, that’s my rat, leave it alone.” He just watches as his boss beats poor little Socrates to death. So Ben and his evil self offers a solution to the boss problem.
Willard and enough rats to eat all the cheese in Wisconsin show up at the boss’s office (while he is looking at internet porn I might add) and they eat the boss.
Willard then does something stupid.
Instead of taking the rats home and telling them enjoy and moving in with Kat, he tries to kill them. Ben comes back and attacks Willard. Willard smashes out a window to get out, Kat sees him do this and freaks out and leaves. Which I don’t get, after all the things Willard has been doing, plus smelling like rat pee and wearing his dead fathers suits, this freaks her out. A man running from a zillion rats.
End of the movie and Willard is locked up, a white rat coming into the mental asylum they locked him in and he starts petting it, saying that you came back to me.
Poor guy, at least he has his rat that he thinks is Socrates back.

Willard is played by Crispin Glover, who has not aged since the Back to the Future series of movies. That was 15 years ago, and he looks like they were filmed last week. Sure, he was in aging make up most of the time, but how can that account for this seeming agelessness?
I see to possibilities.
One he is a vampire, and there fore, ageless. And vampires have power over rats, so there you go.
Second, he is a Highlander. There can be only one, and that one is Crispin Glover is that one.
::Brandishes Sword::
Hey, I can throw myself off a cliff to Mr Glover, I am coming for you head and the source of your power.
So if you’re a vampire or a Highlander, that takes you out.
You made one hell of a B movie for a big studio, congrats. I would rent this film in a second.


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