Sunday, June 22, 2003

10:45 PM

Fear the Radio

The other day I traveled an impressive distance to visit with two friends of mine. Its part of meeting and befriending people on the Internet, I suppose. Sometimes they live a far way away from you. Traveling in the Lou-mobile is an interesting experience. You never know when something is deeply wrong with the inner workings of the engine, for one thing. A while back, lighting struck near the Lou-mobile and screwed the electrical system up. Some of the internal lights work, others don’t. A couple of the dials and displays have cease to function, or when they function, don’t function properly. I have had a glowing “check engine” light for about a year now. I have grown to expect it, and would miss my little yellow light if it were to go out. Plus, I don’t have the best audio system in the world.
Let me rephrase that.
I don’t have an audio system that’s worth a damn.
Not a good goddamn.
First off, I don’t have the standard means of listening to music in this date and time. No CD’s for me, ha, I have the old school tape player that no one sells anymore. And you can’t burn you a tape of traveling music. I have tried and found this quite impossible. You try to cram the tape in the CD holder thing, and the computer makes an awful racket. Much like the noise of running a gardening rake across a chalkboard, it’s not something I want to attempt more than twice.
Which means I have to listen to the radio.
I supposed there are things worst than listening to the horrible ramblings of people that think doing the “announcer voice” or the “sex kitten voice” is entertaining. Perhaps getting your teeth removed by a well-placed fist? Or truly liking what the show “American Idol” has done to this nation? But the music selection offered truly sucks like Orko in the old and current Masters of the Universe Cartoon. What’s the purpose of a dork magic using character that can’t control his magic?
Clear Channel and the record industry has a lot to answer for. Anyone who honestly thinks there is nothing wrong with the state of radio in America need only to travel for a couple of hours in a car with only the radio to keep you company. When you hit all your radio-programmed buttons and you are confronted with the same song again and again, it becomes worrisome. During a normal driving experience, this rarely happens. And since the radio is merely on for a max of thirty minutes, you learn to either turn it off, or ignore the repeated attempts by the same song to get into your head.
That’s the goal of every song on the radio, ya know.
Once it worms its way into your mental processes, you sing it; you think about it during your normal daily routine, you dream about it. This continues until you buy the CD the song is on.
Then, like the career of a childhood sitcom star, the song disappears into a drug-induced coma and had its life featured on a VH1 special. It’s the same song on every radio station.
But, it can’t be!
They are all different radio stations, right?
The same song cant be playing on multiple radio stations in the a free county. Every station has to do something to set itself apart from the other stations in its area. The play lists are the only things they can keep apart and attract new listeners with.
That or free money. Free money give aways get people that need free money to listen. People without money don’t heed the advice of the radio stations commercials and buy the products that sponsor the station and its free money give aways. So then the radio station gives its free money to poor people that buy the things that they heard about on the radio commercials with it.
Thus giving the free money back to the sponsors
My point being, that its impossible for the play lists to be the same in a free society, therefore there can be only one alternative.
That 50-cent song is stalking me.
You know the one. It is played to death on the radio and is currently on the ads for Hollywood Homicide.
Across two states it hunted me down, violating my right to hear more than one song repeated again and again until it has burned itself over the memories of your childhood in your brain.
In my case, that would be a good thing but I digress.
Why would a song stalk me?
Well, I am a pretty tempting stalking victim. What with my girl hair and girl nails and the fact I laugh like the Joker when I get tickled. Yeah, I am extremely ticklish. And yes is funny to see me laugh and react to being tickled. Could we move past this and focus on the facts?
The 50-cent song wants me, it leaves threatening phone messages of its chorus and the emails of the lyrics to the song are hourly now.
Every thought in this songs head is bent on me finally accepting this song into my brain meats.
I refuse.
I know that it is on the airwaves and in the movies and on TV, I care not.
I will not let fear of the 50-cent song, or the song itself, control my life.
I am a survivor, I am going to make it, I am a surviving, I keep on surviving.
Hmm, that’s way catchy.
Well I am off to rent Goldmember for some reason, more later.


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